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哈佛成功ESSAY50篇之惊叹号的魅力

荏苒柔木 Tue Nov 12 12:22:05 CST 2013 阅览2125 评论

The hot-blooded Spaniard seems to be revealed in the passion and urgency of his doubled exclamation points…

-----Pico Lyer, “In Praise of the Humble Comma”

西班牙人生性好激动,惊叹号都打双重的,情真意切,如见其人…

———Pico Lyer“小逗号赞”

“你是丛林居民么?”当人们看到我的签名的时候通常都会问我这个问题,因为在我名字的后面有一个惊叹号。不,我没有加入任何部落,也不是为了装可爱,才在名字后面加这样的符号。

惊叹号在这里并不是为了简单的停顿,它是有存在的必要的。但在我详细地告诉大家我为什么要选这个符号之前,让我们一起来研究一下我本来可以使用的其他符号:

Myung?

尽管我们可以在?的曲线里看见它所呈现出来的像企鹅一样的优雅,但它看起来用在名字里面就是不合适。虽然我总是发现自身的新特点,并且也经常改变它,但是我明白这对我来说意味着什么,我的弱点和强项在哪里,我想要逃避生活的什么。我明白我想学习英语专业,还要去读研究生,从比我聪明一百倍的学生和教授那里学习,并且最终留校任教。我一心想在英语方面有所建树,这点是毋庸置疑的。

Myung,

我承认在一个决定从我脑海中蹦出,并说出来的时候,我的大脑会停顿,而且会思考很久---可以说自发性并不是我的优势。但是逗号,因为有一个长长的下垂的尾巴,我并不觉得它能足够的描述我这个人,因为我知道,生活不会因我而中断,当然这也不是我所想要的。在忙碌到窒息的时间表里。我要学会如何平衡参与社团活动和学习之间的关系,我总能感受到生活的动力,我也很热爱生活。豪放的个性注定我不会在失败的地方踌躇不前;即使我被失望践踏的粉碎,我也不会停止向前,也不会有丝毫的犹豫和停歇。

Myung:

我一直期待着大学和未来的生活将带给我的种种惊喜,高中毕业意味着我的人生将展开一个全新的篇章。虽然我不否认这两个排列整齐的小黑点带有某种学术的气氛,但我依然不会选择这个符号。

因为我懂得如何活在当下和享受生活,而不是指望着下一个篇章将会带来什么。未来是不可预测的,现在的生活也不会是今后生活的固定范本。

Myung.

或许这是用来形容我最不准确的一个标点符号。单调的句点就好像是一个结束,彻底的结束,OH, NO!我的眼前还有大把的青春,我的人生还远没有结束。

Myung!

然而,惊叹号,像一枝上宽下窄的粉笔,最后落以洋气的小圆点,是一个很有情趣,给人带来快乐的符号。我拥有同它一样的热情:不管是我大早晨4:50的时候起床坐在电脑前捕捉并敲击我瞬间迸发出来的灵感,还是在我极其喜爱的俱乐部活动里面让自己达到一种疯狂的状态。

我最大的兴趣之一就是学习,这个兴趣也激发我成为一名教授来传道授业解惑。我会带我的学生去感受John Keats沉痛的唯美主义,他在去世之前,遭受长时间病痛的折磨;感受美国诗人Robert Frost寂静的另类世界,“树林迷人,阴暗幽深。”;与之相反的,还有智利伟大诗人Pablo Neruda如何形容所爱之人的性感迷人的嘴唇。有了惊叹号,我可以教学生们如何跳出文字,领略书本,甚至教室之外的意境。我想要他们在看见乌云翻滚的黑色天空与白色建筑交汇而出现的清晰而整齐的边沿时能够感受到诗歌的魅力;在过山车上,当它快速向前,向上,天与地翻转交汇的时候,看到这一幕时战栗的恐慌中感受这种魅力;在午夜时分,街头夜店烟雾缭绕,霓虹朦胧,消逝的地方感受这种魅力。我想让孩子们明白怎样享受生活!惊叹号已经能够表明我想跟其他人分享的生活乐趣,而且它就像存在我的签名中一样,成为我很重要的一部分。

分析

这篇文章通过运用小小的标点符号,强有力地表达了一个想法,并且运用一种极有创新的,令人激动的和能够充分说明问题的方式回答了“你是谁”的问题。作者通过一种非常规的展现形式,成功的抓住了读者的眼球,同时也让读者大体上明白了作者是一个怎样的人。这篇文章里用很有活力的声音传递了既有显而易见的热情,也窥见了反应作者生活的具体方式。

写作这篇essay展示了一定的技巧,每一个段落都简洁有力地表达了一个大意。每一个拟人化的标点符号都化作生动的形象展示在读者面前,就像是根据作者的性格量身定做的一样。

每个段落的最后一句都很清晰地概括每一段所要表达的意思。尽管增加惊叹号可能被看作是噱头,但不论是在现实生活中还是在这篇文章中,作者也证明她有足够的精力和周全的考虑来支撑这非同寻常的做法。很显然,这不是作者轻易做出的决定,不单单是为了让她在申请中脱颖而出。我们通常会认为仅仅一个名字就有可能让她在任何一群人中独树一帜,这是一种有风险的做法,但对于作者来讲,这种做法却恰到好处。

英文原版essay参考:

ESSAY6 “Myung!”(名字的完美诠释)

——Myung! H. Joh

The hot-blooded Spaniard seems to be revealed in the passion and urgency of his doubled exclamation points

-----Pico Lyer, “In Praise of the Humble Comma”

Are you a member of the Kung! Tribe? is a commonly asked question when people see my signature, which has an exclamation point at the end of it. No, I am not a member of any tribe, nor am I putting the mark at the end of my name to be “cute.”

It is not simply a hiccup in my handwriting; it is there for a specific reason. But before I elaborate on why I believe the exclamation point is such an appropriate punctuation mark for me, let us explore the other marks I might have used:

Myung?

Although the question mark bears a certain swan-like elegance in its uncertain curves, it simply does not do the job. While it is true that I am constantly discovering new things about myself and changing all the time, I know what I stand for, what my weaknesses and strengths are, and what I would like to get out of life. I know that I want to major in English, attend graduate school, learn as much as possible from those who are wiser than I, and eventually teach at a university. I am headed for a career in English; there is no question about it.

Myung,

I admit that I do pause and contemplate decisions before leaping in and rushing ahead of myself – spontaneity is perhaps not my strong point. But the comma, with its dragging, drooping tail, does not adequately describe who I am, because I know that life will not pause for me; nor do I want it to. Mid the chaos of a hectic schedule that balances clubs, activities, and AP courses, I always feel the rush of life, and I love it. I do not linger over failures; due to my passionate nature, I am crushed by disappointments, but I move on. No prolonged hesitations or pauses.

Myung:

I constantly look forward to the surprises that college and my future life promise me; graduation seems like the beginning of a whole new chapter. But the colon, though I will not deny its two neat specks a certain professional air, does not do my justice.

I know how to live for today, have fun, and enjoy life instead of just waiting for what the next chapter may bring. The future is unpredictable. My present life is not simply the precursor to what may follow.

Myung.

Perhaps this is the most inaccurate punctuation mark to describe who I am. The drab, single eye of the period looks upon an end, a full stop == but with the greater aspects of my education still ahead of me, my life is far from any kind of termination.

Myung!

However, the exclamation point, with its jaunty vertical slash underscored by a perky little dot, is a happy sort of mark, cheerful, full of spice. Its passions match mine: whether it be the passion that keeps me furiously attacking my keyboard at 4:50 in the morning so that I might perfectly capture a fantastic idea for a story, or the passion that lends itself to a nearly crazed state of mind in which I tackle pet projects of mine, such as clubs or activities I am especially devoted to.

One of my greatest passions, my passion for learning, engenders in me a passion for teaching that I plan to satisfy fully as a professor. I want my students to feel the aching beauty of John Keats’s words, his drawn-out good-bye to life. I want them to feel the world of difference in Robert Frost’s hushed “the woods are lovely, ark and deep,” as opposed to his editor’s irreverent “the woods are lovely, dark and deep.” I want them to feel the juiciness of Pablo Neruda’s sensually ripe poetry when he describes the “wide fruit mouth” of his lover. With the help of my exclamation point, I want to teach people how to rip the poetry off the page and take it out of the classroom as well. I want them to feel poetry when they see the way the sharp, clean edges of a white house look against a black and rolling sky; I want them to feel it on the roller coaster as it surges forward, up, as the sky becomes the earth and the ground rushes up, trembling to meet them; I want them to feel it in the neon puddles that melt in the streets in front of smoky night clubs at midnight. I want them to know how to taste life! My exclamation point symbolizes a general zeal for life that I want to share with others. And I know that is has become as much a part of me as it has my signature.

ANALYSIS

This essay uses a small punctuation mark to make a big point, loudly and forcefully. It answers the question “who are you?” in a notably creative, exciting, and elucidating manner. Through an unconventional presentation, the author manages to captivate the reader’s attention, while informing him/her of substantially revealing personal qualities. The strong, energized voice that is used delivers both a general, palpable sense of enthusiasm and a glimpse into specific ways that it manifests in the author’s life.

The technical writing in this essay demonstrates skill. Each paragraph expresses one idea with cogency and brevity. A personified punctuation mark is presented through an interesting image and is then related to in light of the author’s character.

The final lines of each paragraph then cleverly bring a close to the ideas presented therein. Though the addition of an exclamation mark could be seen as gimmicky, the author demonstrates that she has the energy and thoughtfulness needed to back up her unusual choice, in real life and on the page. It is obviously not a decision she has made lightly, not just to make her application stand out, although one gets the impression that Myung! would stand out in any crowd, regardless of her name. it’s a risky move, but for her, it works.

注:此篇essay出自哈佛成功essay50篇之第一版

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