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哈佛成功ESSAY50篇解读之“文化恐怖之旅”

荏苒柔木 Thu Oct 17 11:11:00 CST 2013 阅览2060 评论

一旦离开熟悉的环境,进入陌生的世界里,你还能镇定自如吗?相信大部分人都是需要一段适应期的。留学生经过申请等重重考验顺利通过签证之后,将要面临的也是背井离乡独在异国的场景。这篇ESSAY讲述了作者第一次离开家乡后初到陌生环境时所见所闻后,内心产生的恐惧感。

在小镇长大对我而言是极好的。有一大群一同长大的小伙伴们,彼此熟悉的像一家人一样,尤其是家长,不用发愁小孩子孤单寂寞没人理会,自己又无暇顾及。只要打个电话,穿过几条街口,家长们坐在一起拉家常,孩子们在一边尽情玩耍,真好。第一次离开家乡小镇是我六年级的时候,那一次是去密尔沃基市。

那次旅游主要是去剧院看“真人版”的夏洛特•多尔的真实自白(The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle by Avi),因为,之前我们在课堂上已经学过这篇课文了。老师告诉我们这远比书本上看到的更刺激更有趣。班上很多同学都迫不及待的想去看,即使不是去看戏,远足一下也是不错的。我们一大早就被塞进了大巴上,一路上都是同学们的欢声笑语,我则蜷缩在车窗边昏睡。不知道过了多久,一声厌烦的汽车喇叭声把我唤醒,才意识到周围的不自然:到处都是高楼林立,川流不息的汽车数也数不清楚,其中,最让我震惊的是人,连人行道上都是,与之相比,我们的“小”镇人口还不够1000。

更让我不可思议的是,除了为数不多的几个白人外,其他的都是有着黑色皮肤的非裔美国人。以前,这种情景只可能出现在照片里或电视上。当时的我才11岁,根本不知道该怎么办。下车后,和一群密尔沃基同学一起实在不悦。我和随行的小伙伴手拉着手,紧张的盯着那道双层玻璃门,那是剧院的入口,很多黑人都从那里进入。除了我们这群来自Elkhart Lake(威斯康辛州)孩子似乎是唯一的代表着具有强烈的种族问题的一所学校外,周围气氛一片融洽。当我们找到座位坐下来,剧场的灯光渐渐暗下来,舞台拉开了帷幕,我的心情才略微放松了些,慢慢的就被舞台上演员们精彩的表演吸引住了。我清楚这是因为没有了明亮的灯光,我们看上去都是一样的——非裔美国人。

几个小时后,当大巴车载着我们再一次回到了熟悉的小镇、街道红绿灯还有学校的时候,我的心情终于转晴了。如今的我,后悔当初自己对于异国文化的排斥,但是,这也是与生活环境密切相关的。因为,周围缺少这种“异性因素”,所以,亲身经历的时候才会失常。升入高中后,我与一名来自法国的交换生成为了密友,从那之后,我深切的体会到了了解不同文化的重要性。我意识到环境对我造成的负面影响,现在我必须要努力克服困难,在以后的生活中尽量多融入不同文化。这也是我今天选择申请哈佛的原因之一。我想如果再给我一次机会重回到密尔沃基那次旅途,我一定会积极乐观的融入其中的,并且渴望对世界有更深的了解。

【分析】

作者通过自己的亲身经历,从个人角度真诚的表达了曾经的种族偏见的情绪,让读者对作者的为人一目了然,这是全文的优势所在。

随即作者巧妙的描写了环境背景,即,造成她性格特点的重要原因之一。因为作者出生在小城镇,没有见过大世面,正如,作者引用的“夏洛特•多尔的真实自白”,讲的是一个13岁的小女孩被判谋杀罪名成立之后,小女孩被迫离开简陋的家并开启了一段令人惊叹的冒险航海历程;她看到了不同社会阶层的人们。而作者亦是如此。

但是,全篇不足之处在于作者忽视了一点:没有解释那场经历以及她性格塑造的关系,因此,我们也无从知晓她是如何从种族恐惧中逃脱出来并认同文化多样性的。作者简简单单的说了几句她结交了一位法国交换生,从而改变了自己的世界观,可是,我们也不知道具体原因是什么。作者仅仅在ESSAY结尾处抒发了一句“渴望对世界有更深入的了解”,我们也不知道为什么。全文的优势就是作者的坦诚、直率的表达。

—Nafees Syed

全文参考——

(3)ASHLEY SCHNEIDER—“STAGE FRIGHT

Growing up in a small town has its advantages. I formed a close bond with almost all of my classmates starting before kindergarten. Everybody knows everybody else, and it is easy for parents to set up playdates. All they need to do is make a phone call, walk down the sidewalk a few blocks with a skipping, excited child in tow, then sit on a white plastic lawn chair and chat while periodically glancing up at the two kids playing happily in the sandbox. I only began to realize the downside of my town of barely one thousand people when our sixth-grade class went on a field trip to Milwaukee.

We had come to a theater to watch a theatrical interpretation of The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle by Avi, which we had recently finished reading as a class. Our teacher promised that it would be exciting and fun to see the events of the book acted out on a stage with real people, and most of the class shared her enthusiasm, if not for the play then for the fact that it was our first “big” trip. We loaded into the bus early in the day, and while most chatted away the hour drive, I slept curled up by the window (I am a notorious car-sleeper). When I was startled awake by the sound of an angry horn blaring behind us, I was unpleasantly surprised by my surroundings. The buildings were too big and the cars were too many to count, but what really surprised me were the people walking on the sidewalk.

With very few exceptions, they were all black. I realized then that I had never, ever seen an African-American outside of pictures and television. As a naïve eleven-year-old, I didn’t know quite what to do. When we got off the bus into a crowd of Milwaukee school children, I felt uncomfortably out of place as one of the few white students entering the theater. My friend and I tightly clutched hands, casting nervous glances around the entrance hall as more and more black people streamed through the glass double doors. We appeared to be the only school that was having such culture-shock problems. Everyone else seemed just fine with the diversity and variety that comes with a big city, but not the kids from Elkhart Lake. When we took our seats in the auditorium and the lights dimmed, I could finally relax and concentrate on the actors on stage, because we all looked black to some degree in the absence of light.

Hours later, I was happy to wake up to the familiar sight of the green streetlights lining the main street of Elkhart Lake as the bus brought us within sight of our school. I only realized much later that it is a terrible thing to be afraid of diversity, but that was what growing up in a town completely lacking in minorities did to me. Since I did not grow up surrounded by different kinds of people, the concept of race was lost on me when I first experienced it. Upon entering high school, I discovered how valuable relationships with people of other cultures are when I became good friends with an exchange student from France. I have realized that while growing up in my small town may have set me back initially, I can overcome that setback now and in the future by immersing myself in as many other cultures as I can. This is one of the many reasons attending Harvard will be an enriching and rewarding experience. If I were to repeat the field trip to Milwaukee today, I wouldn’t be scared or apprehensive but rather appreciative of other ways of life and eager to learn more about the world in which I live.

COMMENTARY

In this rather daring piece, the writer tackles a hackneyed topic—diversity—from the perspective of someone who once held racial stereotypes herself. The honest nature of her essay is effective in giving the reader strong insight into who she is as a person.

Immediately, we are introduced to her small, homogeneous town, and this effectively sets the stage for her subsequent anxiety in viewing African-Americans for the first time. Even the play she watches, The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle, is aptly parallel to her essay; just as Charlotte leaves her sheltered home for the rough sea, meeting people of a different socioeconomic class—sailors—the author leaves the confines of her small environment to visit the city, where she encounters people she had previously only seen in pictures and on television.

However, the writer neglects to explain how the experience molded her character, as we don’t learn how or when she grew out of her race-induced fright and learned to appreciate diversity. She briefly mentions that a French exchange student transformed her outlook on diversity, but we learn close to nothing about this experience or how it showed her the value of developing relationships with people of other cultures. The reader ends the essay knowing that she is “eager to learn more about the world” without understanding why. That said, the richness of her essay lies mainly in her forthrightness. Instead of walking on eggshells, she is completely candid, and that ability to open up and be honest with herself and others makes for a compelling essay.

—Nafees Syed

参考链接:

50 Successful Harvard Application Essays third Edition

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